Why We Fight

UPDATE:  I got Tom Hanks and Saving Private Ryan all knotted up with Damian Lewis (Dick Winters).  Sorry about that; Mea Culpa.  Tom Hanks produced this series along with Steven Spielberg.   Next up, I’ll tell you all about my man-crush on 2008 Golden Globe winner Jon Hamm and his role as Don Draper in Mad Men.  I will then proceed to tie it in somehow to parenting and/or traveling.  -Viktor

If you have ever watched the HBO mini series Band of Brothers, episode number 9 in this series is entitled Why We Fight. Here Tom Hank’s character Captain Nixon leads Charlie Company into the Kaufering Concentration Camp.  Here it became very clear to all that had made this far as to why they fought and had made the sacrifices that they did; why so many lives of soldiers were sacrificed and lost.  That was sacrifice.  Staying home with your children while your wife goes away for a weekend is not.  Let’s keep things in perspective here.

Throughout our almost 11? years of marriage I have always been a big proponent of the both of us maintaining a certain level of autonomy.  I do not expect Allison to enjoy the same hobbies as myself and Allison on the other hand has a few friends that are not my favorite {Spoiler alert:  Highlight the area between the brackets for names [Sucker!  I knew that you would look!  Is it you?]} but we get along just fine.   I believe that personal autonomy is critical to the success of a relationship.   Now, I graduated from university with a degree in Information Technology and Sciences with an emphasis in Network Administration, therefore, I feel like I can speak on this subject with some authority.  Pay attention.

When Allison went to Houston for the Mom 2.0 Summit last week, I was quite excited to have the children to myself for the entire weekend.  This was not the first time that Allison has travelled by herself to far off places and I have done the same.  [On a side note, we have had discussions before that two one week trips to NYC do not equal 3+ weeks in Europe, but I will leave those details for a different post.]   Some of my fondest memories of childhood are spending time with just one parent.  When I was 6 or 7, I took a trip for a few days to the Baltic Sea with my older brother and my grandfather.  I remember the details very clearly.  I remember taking many camping trips with my father to Sequoia National Park, King’s Canyon NP, Death Valley, and many other local spots.  There was nothing special about these trips; My father driving the speed limit +20 in his 1978 VW Sirocco, myself sitting next to him in the front seat trying to seem interested in his explanation as to why crystallization affects density, and why some types crystallization are endothermic and others exothermic, and of course our German Shepherd Aza getting carsick and throwing up in the back seat on the windy mountain roads.  It did not matter to me where we were going.  Where we were going and what we were going to do once we got there were inconsequential details.  There is something special about that trip to the pharmacy when everyone else gets left behind and it’s just the two of you.  So again, I was looking forward to spending some one-on-two time with the children.  

It has always bothered me when I hear a parent refer to having the children all to themselves as baby sitting.  Baby sitters baby sit, parents parent. 

When we were getting ready to send Allison off I was not planning on much as far as activities go.  The only activity that I had committed myself to was to let the cat move in for the weekend from outside because being in Houston, Allison could not do a thing about it.  That is the trick in my opinion; when with just the children you do not need to go out of your way to make it a memorable experience.  The fact that it is just you and them is memorable in itself.  We went to Costco, we got fuel for the car, we went to the outlaws for a bit so I could borrow a table saw, I laid some new tile in the bathroom, we folded laundry.  To me it was a typical Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
 To the children it was one-on-one time spent with me.

Late last fall I felt that it was time for myself to take one of the children for an adventure.  I packed the car and we drove the 700 miles down to California for the week.  We ate burgers and Gummy Bears, camped in the desert, we shot rifles, and we left the beaten path and saw new things.   We stayed with my brother spent and some time with my mother at my parent’s cabin in the mountains.  #2 fell apart only once and that was  on our way back when I told him that we are no longer in the Mojave Desert and we will NOT be camping in 20 degree weather at 8500’.  Other than that things went quite well and he enjoyed himself quite a bit.  I have taken similar trips with #1 as well.

So again, fighting Nazis in the Battle of The Bulge was a sacrifice.  Walking #2 to preschool instead of taking the car, taking a small camping trip, taking just one to the store for milk instead of the entire herd, or helping your wife go to Huston for the weekend is not.

Michal

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