On How I Got Myself In “The System”

Viktor here:

Growing up, one of my favorite past times was to get on the hand held CB and see what kind of new words I could learn from the truckers. Sometimes it was the combination of nouns, verbs, peppered with other nouns, adjectives, and what I later learned were called “adjective intensifiers” that made the conversation oh so wonderful. It seems like I always put this type of education above book smarts. All along though, I was worried that at anytime a black van would pull up and I would get in a whole heap of trouble because there are black vans out there patrolling the streets keeping America safe from prepubescent scum like me.

Once, even when I was old enough for the State of California to have deemed me responsible enough to drive a car, I took a CB up to a top of a hill together with a friend, tuned it to the ever wonderful Channel 19, and we continued to expand our education. A little bit later we see lights coming up the road towards us, and we choose not to pay too much attention to them as cars have come and come throughout the evening. Next thing we know, the car has pulled up next to us and all of a sudden, there is a magical third light that has suddenly been turned on and it is shining right into our faces. This third light is mounted on the front post of the driver’s side door of the car and it is really bright, there is some sort of reflective logo on the door of the car, and you can guess the rest:

ME [rolling window down]: Hi?
MYSTERY VOICE FROM BEHIND THE LIGHT: What are you two doing up here?
ME: Oh…. Nothing, just hanging out?
MYSTERY VOICE FROM BEHIND THE LIGHT [motioning to the giant antenna on the roof of the car]: Hey, you guys aren’t ****ing around on that CB, are you?
FRIEND: Oh, no. Not us. We’re just listening to the shortwave bouncing off the stratosphere?
MYSTERY VOICE FROM BEHIND THE LIGHT: You sure? Because I’ve been sitting at the bottom of the hill for the last little while, and it sounded like someone was doing a lot more talking than listening.
ME: Oh no, we heard that as well, but that’s not us. Promise?
MYSTERY VOICE FROM BEHIND THE LIGHT: Alright then. Get going. You two have no good reason to be up here so late.
ME: Ughhh, OK. Thank you?
ME [rolling up window and starting car]
FRIEND: See, I told you that they can find you. They’ve got antennas and **** that can find stuff like this. We’re just soooo lucky that we’re not going to jail. This is Federal stuff we’re talking about here. I should have never let you talk me into this. I’m just glad that they have your license plate number and not mine. They have you on a list now; You’re in “The System“.

Michal

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