I’m working on a regular post for today, but I got a little derailed last night by a minor flesh wound which is making it ridiculously hard to type. Stay with me. It took me 3 minutes to type that sentence.
Golden.
Viktor refuses to shave like a normal person; instead he uses a super old fashioned antique straight razor which sits atop our bathroom counter. I came home from the gym last night and felt like flossing {stop judging}, grabbed the floss off the counter {I’m an OCD flosser, leave me alone} and pulled the floss hard towards the mirror to cut it off, into the path of danger and straight razor blades.
My brain didn’t even process what happened, blood started gushing all over creation, and I started shouting words baby Charming shouldn’t know exist.
Would you like to know what? I’ll tell you what: fingers bleed like bananas. Bananas. I didn’t take a bullet to the chest or even cut off a length of finger, but I bled all over the bathroom floor anyway. Just for fun. And a few things happened all at once:
- much profanity poured out of my lips
- I ruined my favorite gym socks, covered in blood
- I went into immediate shock and almost hit the floor
- I took to twitter to ask the masses what to do, bleeding all over my phone in the process
- my body started to feel cold, just like in the movies
- I started snapping pictures like a tourist on vacation
- I was inordinately grateful my pretty shellac manicure wasn’t injured
- Viktor left for work
When I was brave enough to look, I took off the bandage Viktor made and was a little disappointed in myself. I sliced a very small piece of my index finger right off. I would have needed stitches if there’d been something to stitch back on, but it clearly wasn’t a fatal injury despite my body’s reaction to the whole ordeal. Twitter was unhelpful, {why was I on twitter anyway?} so I called my InstaCare to ask advice, bumbling stupidity into the phone asking the nurse to tell me what to do.
She politely recommended I come right on down to see a doctor.
The sweet sweet doctor on call, old enough to be my father, was so amused he could barely contain himself; he spent the duration of my visit covering up his giggles by coughing into his hand and periodically looking for new bandages in the cupboards. I was in shock/hysterical/numb/light headed and bless him, he didn’t actually laugh out loud at me. I guess I made his life entertaining enough though, he mandated I not do dishes for 6 weeks.
Maybe it was 6 days, I can’t be trusted to remember. Shock. I feel so cold.
Allison
Hello there! I'm Allison Czarnecki, founder + editor of Petit Elefant, a blog all about style on a budget for every part of your life: style / home / travel / family. I do a lot of how-to beauty + style tutorials, travel posts, easy recipes, home remodel projects, and cool DIY crafts you totally want to try. I'm super happily married (to a hot Polish immigrant) and am the mother of two kids, a daughter and son, all of whom are featured here on the regular. We live in the country but we're a little bit rock + roll. Welcome!
It’s so wrong but I can’t stop giggling. STILL.
When I was 12 my mom was using a food processor and I remember her carefully pulling the blade out and putting it on the counter and telling us all to be extremely careful and not touch it.
So of course, I did exactly that, because my dad is missing parts of FIVE different fingers (no exaggeration) and I did not want my hands to look like his.
But then my cat, my baby, my precious, jumped up on the counter and in my haste to protect my precious kitty from being slit with the razor I swiped at the cat to push him off the counter.
And hit the food processing blade in the process. I don’t remember anything but that cold feeling, and lots and lots of blood and my mom yelling at me not to bleed on her good white towels.
Blood was EVERYWHERE.
17 stitches later, and an appointment to see a specialist about nerve damage and my mom drove me home lecturing me the entire way about kitchen safety and how she was going to have to spend all night cleaning up my gorey blood smears.
Except when we got home, there wasn’t a drop of my spilled blood anywhere. AT ALL. It was like the blood fairy came and cleaned everything up.
Turns out it was my CAT who licked everything clean, including the blade I was so worried would wound him. And he didn’t have any cuts to show for it.
I hope you recover soon. *giggles nervously*
I just threw up in my mouth.
so so gross.
HAHAHAHAH!
So sorry for your cut finger. And SO GLAD I read this today. :) Gave me a giggle. ;) Not about your injury (poor girl) but just, um… the other stuff. ;) Hope you’re feeling better and enjoy NO DISHES for the next 6 weeks. ;)
fight for the right! {no dishes – amen}
Ow. I feel your pain.
I did the same thing to the same finger a few short months ago, only I tangled with a surly vegetable peeler and not a razor.
Me, peeling acorn squash for soup because the grocery store was out of the precut frozen variety: “Gee, I’ve had this vegetable peeler for 10 years and I’ve used it a lot. I wonder if these things get dull. Could you even sharpen a vegetable peeler? Maybe I should just get a new one.”
Vegetable peeler: “Gonna replace me, huh? I’ll show you sharp!”
Me: OW! [expletive deleted] [Expletive Deleted] [EXPLETIVE DELETED] VEGETABLE PEELER!
Good thing my kids were sitting right there, too. I’d hate for them to learn that kind of language on the street.
I do hope your finger feels better in 6 days. It took a couple of weeks for mine to approach normal, and though it’s healed completely, one side of the tip is not quite as round as it used to be.
Cheers!
Oh noes! No no no no. Nooooo.
I feel your pain. My slashed finger incident involved a mandoline, a wad of paper towel, and duct tape as I drove myself to the local urgent care when the bleeding just didn’t seem to be stopping after 15 minutes. The doctor was great about it, applying a wonder product called GelFoam, and a ridiculous amount of gauze, then making sure my tetanus booster was current (it wasn’t). That was 3 years ago, and the finger looks the same, but there’s a tiny white scar, and it’s still a wee bit numb.
Hope you feel better soon!
Oh holy mandoline horror. I just don’t ever want to own one now.
I adore you. And I feel your pain. I stabbed myself in the wrist a few months ago trying to get brownies out of a pan at a party. It was awesome. I bled everywhere and had to lay down on a couch. In front of everyone. *sigh* But I still had to do the dishes. Good for you.
Oh your wrist Danielle? Holy cow! I don’t even. You shouldn’t have had to do dishes!
Definitely six weeks. Absolutely. Did the same thing two weeks ago, with scissors. Helping out at the school for Shrove Tuesday. Cutting the pancakes with scissors. Very sharp scissors. Blood, pancakes… not a good combo.
Dana
What? Cutting pancakes with scissors? Actually brilliant.
Uggh! I feel queezy with all this talk. I hope it heals up fast. I’m typing gingerly as I type this. :)
I’m totally typing gingerly too Kam. Scary.
OWIE! Man, I would have just lobbed the whole thing off. I am that awesome. Yow!! Hope it heals fast. You could just keep it bandaged for 6 weeks so you’re out of dish duty. A little fake halloween blood and you’re set. ;)
I’m totally the same! I don’t know how I didn’t lob off my entire finger!
I am so sorry about your finger..but LOL..I think I LOVE you! LOL…thanks for that!
oh mercy me, thank you.
There is nothing wrong with OCD flossing. NOTHING.
Now go put those blades in a sheath or something.
The blades have been banished. Permanent like. Jerks.
oh goodness miss, sometimes we do silly things when we are stressed like going on twitter :) good girl for just going to instacare!!
You can’t believe how ridiculous I was. It was a ridiculous, silly, insane night.
a few years ago, I was doing dishes with hot water and asked dear hubby to let dogs in b/c it was like 2 degrees outside – he was playing wii so it had to wait. I knocked on the window to get dogs to look up at me so I could say ‘shhhhh’ and wouldn’t you know it – my whole hand went right through the single pane glass — BLOOD everywhere!
I needed bandages and rest and coffee delivered to me and of course, no more dishes!
Stop it! Oh my heavens that just painted quite the picture.
Your Shellac still looks AMAZING! Thank goodness it didn’t chip during the bloodbath.
I”m telling you, this shellac is the best thing since sliced bread.
I sliced the side of my thumb off while slicing potatoes on a mandolin. AND I COUlDN’T FIND THE PIECE OF FLESH (same color as the potatoes!)
Well, baby boy found it on the floor, and tried to bring it with us to InstaCare. Nast-y.
Firs of all…that manicure is divine . Love that color…and if you have to go sporting a big ole bandage…good thing your other fingers look fantastic.
Sorry to hear about the bloodbath..made me a bit queasy too. I did enjoy the visual of you tweeting and bleeding everywhere, that is something I would do too!
Hang in there and I hope today was a better day.
Alecia
The shellac manicure is insane. Beautiful and divine.
Oh, me and tweeting and bleeding. Stupid stupid.
I did something similar with a mandoline about 6 months ago (seems to be a trend). I asked Santa for metal-thread slashproof gloves, and he delivered – YAY!
To this day, whenever I’m chopping something in the kitchen, my 3- year old says, “Mommy, remember when you cut yourself? Don’t do that again. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
It’s so sweet, but I’m sad that she’s so worried! I must have screamed louder than I thought. :)
This mandoline business sounds awful. Awful. I just don’t think I can take it, I’d probably lose an arm.
you poor dear! I do hope you heal quickly!
reminds me of the time I accidently kicked a grocery card with my sandals on. Broke my little toe and it was sticking straight out of the side of my foot (no blood). I thought it was just dislocated so I tried to push it back in place. Mistake. Ouch, cussing the whole thing. Proceeded to finish my grocery run and go to the ER. Broke that toe clean in half.
#2 – you can get fresh blood out with hydrogen peroxide. Let it bubble really good (straight up) and rinse. If it didn’t all come out pour some more on. Repeat until stain is gone.
hmmm… TMI that I know how to remove blood?? Hope you heal soon…