I told you last week Viktor was headed in for surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff. He had the surgery, he’s in recovery, and I’M still in bed, recovering from playing nursemaid. Turns out all those jell-o and ice runs are a little exhausting.
For me at least, Viktor feels just fine.
I was terrified for Viktor going into surgery. I’ve been under the knife enough times to know the risk, and to be worried with him/for him/by him/about him. He made inappropriate jokes with the surgery staff while they were checking him out, and I paced the room.
While he was behind closed doors for a few hours I read every magazine in the waiting room, ate lunch, and bought chocolate and gummy bears from the gift shop, as one does. Then I scored this rad ring:
Right? You feel me here.
Eventually they called me back to post op recovery to say hello to the patient and get ready to take him home. I was prepared to meet a slobbering, vomiting, sobbing mess. Maybe I’m projecting a little; I happen to be a slobbering, vomiting, sobbing mess in post op recovery rooms.
Instead I found Viktor sitting up laughing with the nurses. He seemed lucid, and told me he had no pain. I’ll tell you what, I’m calling B.S. I’ve had enough knee reconstructions and random assorted organ issues to know the pain coming out of anesthesia {see above: slobbering, vomiting, sobbing}.
But no, Viktor was fine.
So fine in fact, he continually forgot to breathe. Apparently it’s been awhile since he’s taken anything stronger than an aspirin, and all those drugs can make a person forget to breathe. Consequently, he spent the next 72 hours forgetting to breathe every time he fell asleep. That was super fun for me.
I’ll tell you what though, I’d do the whole thing over again, just to hang out with a stoned Viktor. This probably isn’t the appropriate place for this, but man, what I would have given to know him in high school. I haven’t laughed that hard in a very, very long time.
First of all, he asked the discharge nurse to page McDreamy. When Patrick Dempsey didn’t appear, he talked her into trying for McSteamy. For realsies, that actually happened. Then, after charming every nurse in the post op wing, he was wheeled out to the car to say goodbye.
I was expecting a nice, quiet drive home, wherein I could listen to NPR and have a little breather. But no, apparently Viktor gets really talky when he’s stoned. In the hour long drive home from Salt Lake Viktor managed to invent a new engine for the medic helicopters hovering over the freeway, create a new money system, tell me how to make a faster curing cement, explain the benefits of a circular mattress, and the creme de la creme:
shower proof churros.
Really, he still hasn’t let that one go. Apparently the thought of people having to deal with soggy churros, in the shower no less, has been bothering him for awhile.
I can’t say I blame him.
Allison
Hello there! I'm Allison Czarnecki, founder + editor of Petit Elefant, a blog all about style on a budget for every part of your life: style / home / travel / family. I do a lot of how-to beauty + style tutorials, travel posts, easy recipes, home remodel projects, and cool DIY crafts you totally want to try. I'm super happily married (to a hot Polish immigrant) and am the mother of two kids, a daughter and son, all of whom are featured here on the regular. We live in the country but we're a little bit rock + roll. Welcome!
Funny how morphine can make the patient forget to breathe. I loved talking to my hubby after surgery too – he was really funny. Glad to hear he’s doing fine … shower proof churros, hmmmm.
I laughed so hard reading this post – glad to hear your darling is just fine!
Shower proof churros. Love it. He’ll make millions on that idea!!
I’m sure there is a need for shower proof churros…I’m all about multi-tasking.
How scary that he forgot to breathe! I would have been a mess too. Great post, “McDreamy” & then “McSteamy” lol, too funny!!
I busted a gut at the latter half of this post. McDreamy and McSteamy. Bahaha! Good to hear the hubby is doing great!
Hilarious! Sounds like you’ve had a “fun” time playing nurse. :)
Hilarious! Glad he’s okay. :)
My husband just goes on “repeat” when he’s coming out of anesthesia. He’ll talk for five minutes, wait a minute or two, and then repeat, almost word for word, exactly what he said for the five minutes before. He does this for like 2 hours. And each time I’ll laugh and say “yeah, you already told me” and then he even forgets that I said THAT and he’ll start all over. It is really funny for like 20 minutes.
Let’s never put Viktor and I in post-op together, because the world is not ready for that jelly.
So so funny!
Thanks for the great laugh! I’m most likely having surgery at the end of the month and I’m a bit scared of what I will say and do when I’m in recovery. I’m sure it won’t have anything to do with churros though!
Hahahaha! I’m dying!
I agree with you Allison! You need to get him doped up more often. He’s giving you some great material here. Thanks for that. I needed a good chuckle! :)
So glad I’m not alone worrying about soggy churros. ;)
(best part!! – HA HA!)
[November 6, 2011 at 4:31 am] eh? I see that those sleeping pills at the hospital are working for ya.
Shower proof churros! Awesome. My husband also goes on repeat. I feel bad for him, but I’m all -“DUDE, I know. You’ve told me the same thing a million times in 5 minutes!”