embarrassing pioneer woman story {starring me}.

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Pioneer Woman is coming to town. Yes, that Pioneer Woman. I’m very excited to go with a gaggle of girlfriends {and Precocious} to her book signing tonight in S.L.C. I don’t own the cookbook yet but I hear it’s phenomenal and I’m dying to get my hands on it, and to hang out with Ree again.

I met/accosted her at BlogHer this year. I’m sure she doesn’t remember, unless she talks about it in therapy every week.

Remember how I went to BlogHer this year and threw a super fun, swanky party? I really got out of my box and it was scary and awesome, all at the same time. It made me stretch beyond my normal social capacities, which are glaringly limited.

I had a great time at BlogHer. I did things I don’t normally do at home.

I draped myself all over a cardboard cutout of Edward and danced like it was 1989 at MamaPop’s party.




I jumped off banquettes {completely sober} at BowlHer.

I harassed Carson Kressley at the amazing Nikon party.

Me: Carson I adore you! And I just cry every time I watch How to Look Good Naked! You make me want to get naked! I mean, uh, not with you. Just uh, I feel great when I watch your show about women getting naked. For confidence! It’s about the confidence!

Carson: Uhhhhhh. Ummmmm. Your business card is adorable, who’s your designer?

Me: *I love you!*

You see what I mean.

Remember the incident of introducing myself to Nie Nie at Costco? You’d think with my sordid history I’d avoid people altogether but somehow it emboldens me.

{{sigh}}


By the time I spotted Ree in the lobby of the Sheraton I was beside myself with fatigue and in full-on blogebrity crush mode. And I had an idea! I was going to introduce myself to Ree!

dictionary.com: INSANE: utterly senseless: an insane plan.

Marie and I were headed out, on our way to catch a ride to the Nikon party when I saw Ree in the lobby. And she was flanked Marlboro Man and her two adorable, and I do mean adorable, little boys.

Me: Marie, we have to go meet her.

Marie: Um okay, sure let’s go get in line.

Me: She has to know us! We just thew a party and she won a BlogLuxe award! And I emailed her one time! She totally knows who I am and I’m going to go say hi and I want you to take my picture!

Marie: Sure, uh, yeah let’s go say hi.

So I proceeded to nervous nudge my way over and shove myself in front of Ree.

Me: Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I love you! You make my life happy and fuzzy and warm and even if I’m having a bad day I come to Pioneer Woman and it makes all the bad things good and all the sad things happy and I looooooooooooooooooove you!

Ree: Um, okay hi. It’s nice to meet you.

Me: And there’s Marlboro Man, and he’s so handsome! And your little boys! Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Ree: Oh that’s so nice of you to say. I think you emailed me one time.

Me: I did! I did, I did, I did! I emailed you. Because I love you!

Ree: That’s so nice thank you.

{{backing away slowly}}

Me: Can I get a picture with you? You’re so pretty! Is that your camera? My camera is small and ghetto but I sure love your camera! Is that the one that takes all those amazing pictures? Is it a Nikon? I sure love Nikon! Are you going to the Nikon party later? Maybe I’ll see you there! Maybe we can exchange friendship rings!

Ree: ummmmmmmmm……

Me: Do you mind if I put my arm around you? My you’re pretty! And tall! I love standing next to tall women because I’m tall! Do you see? I’m tall too!

Ree: *smiling politely*

Me: So, you won an award for this super awesome party I threw and I want to give it to you!

Ree: I’m so sorry I didn’t come, I didn’t know about it until after it happened.

Me: That’s okay, maybe we can hang out later and I can
give it to you!

Ree: {{looking around nervously}}

But it gets worse. I gave Ree the swag bag and award from SocialLuxe after her panel on Saturday. I sat 2nd row from the front and made awkward eye contact with her while she was speaking. Because we were besties by then, and surely she remembered me! Afterwords I met her in the hallway to hand over the loot.

Ree: Walk with me.

Me: {dying a little inside} Of course I’ll walk with you! Is that Marlboro Man waiting for you? And your two sweet little boys? I have a little boy the age of your baby! It sure makes me miss my son. We have boys the same age!

Ree: Is this the swag bag? My heavens it’s heavy.

Me: I’ll carry it!

Ree: Wow, that’s some award. I’m not sure where I’ll put it.

Marlboro Man: I know just where you can put it. Right on your desk on your…….

{That’s when it all got fuzzy. Marlboro Man is much taller than he looks on your small computer screen. And he’s rather, *ahem* handsome.}

Me: Uhhhh. Ummm. Buuuuuhhhhh. Just wait till you see what’s inside the bag Ree, it’s amazing! There’s a video camera from Kodak! And there’s candy for the boys!

I then proceeded to dig through the bag and started handing stuff out to the boys. Like it was my bag now and I was Santa Claus. Because? I’ll never know.

Ree: Yeah, I usually hold off on the candy for bribery, but thanks.

Me: Ooooh I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I just handed your boys each a bag of gummy confectiony goodness. My bad. I usually wait to hand out candy too. Because I’m a good mom, just like you.

The boys had run ahead, trying to get Marlboro Man to open the bags. Because it was dinnertime.

I win.

Here’s to hoping tonight goes well. Wish me luck, I’ll need it.

Go Ree, I LOVE YOU!

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Allison

Well, hello there! I'm Allison Czarnecki, founder + editor of Petit Elefant, a blog all about style on a budget for every part of your life: style / home / travel / family. We do a lot of how-to beauty + style tutorials, travel posts, easy recipes, crazy home remodel projects, and cool (yes, cool) DIY crafts you'll totally want to try. I'm super happily married (to a hot Polish immigrant) and am the mother of two kids, a daughter and son, all of whom are featured here on the regular. We live in the country but we're a little bit rock + roll. Welcome!

31 Comments

  1. Azúcar :

    Best line? "I'LL CARRY IT FOR YOU."

    Hahahaha, I love this story. It's even better when you tell it live and you make it perfectly clear that you're making a complete dork out of yourself. Love how you turn into a mess when meeting cool people. Just love you.

  2. Hannah :

    Ha! Oh my…you are funny. I laughed out loud. Good luck tonight!

  3. Kim :

    You are awesome. I wish I could come tonight…stupid gas prices and no money and living an hour and a half from Salt Lake. Have fun and make a huge dork of yourself for me, ok? ;)

  4. Kami :

    I can't wait to see you in action! Love it!

  5. Petit Elefant :

    Azucar,

    I'd carry her luggage if she'd let me.

    hannah,

    It makes me squirm, I'm sure I'll knock her dead tonight!

    Kim,

    Awesome = socially retarded, yes?
    Wish you were coming!

    Kami,

    You will wish you didn't know me, guaranteed.

  6. vanessa :

    Aww Miss Allison I love you cause you make me laugh when I need it.

  7. Petit Elefant :

    Vanessa,

    Oh, I'm just an embarrassment to hang out with. It makes everyone around me feel good. :)

  8. Danielle :

    Awesome! You're so funny!

    (Be sure to tell Ree I said hi. I emailed her once, too! And made her green beans for Thanksgiving!)

    ;)

  9. Emily :

    That's why I can't wait to see you tonight, so you'll make me feel good. Miss you–and thanks for the belly laugh. You have a way with words…and a way with meeting people you absolutely adore. ;)

  10. The Breeders Digest :

    Dork. ;) Love the story and I love PW too. Thanks to her I am "curvy".

    She's coming to a town near me here in Illinois and I SOSOSOSOSOSOSO want to go but fear having a spaz attack. Oh well, at least I have your experience to serve as my gauge!
    –Leadia

  11. Marie {Make and Takes} :

    I love it! I remember that convo, although I don't remember the "friendship rings" part!! You did just fine, I'm sure she thought you were great. I guess we'll see tonight if you end up getting escorted out the building by Mr. Marlboro Man!!

  12. Chillygator :

    That's so embarrassingly wonderful! I just laughed so hard! In a completely uncomfortable please-say-you-didn't-really-do-that sort of way (o:

    I have to bring outgoing people with me when I'm meeting cool people because I go completely silent and need someone to hide behind.

  13. The Dragonfly :

    I wish I could have witnessed this first hand. I wish I could meet Ree, because everything you said is how I feel about her too. Instead, since I don't live in UT or anywhere near where she'll be appearing, I went to my local Borders (where it took them 28 minutes to find the book for me) and sat on the floor worshipping every blessed page. Enjoy! Can't wait to hear about it.

  14. Debbie Barr :

    Awesome story! Very funny. I feel that way sometimes when I meet authors I just adore. Glad to know I'm not alone.

  15. Jill Ann :

    I'm pretty sure you're hilarious. Yup, I'm right. You're hilarious!

  16. Susan :

    this reminds me of the time that I met dooce and her husband. i shudder when i think about it.

  17. @BarbaraJones :

    It's is so all about the way you tell the story like you remember every, awkward word like it's burned into your (did-i-really-do-that) memory…isn't it funny after the fact how you're like, damn, I wish I said this or that. It's funny what happens when a little anxiety and adrenaline take over right? It's PHYSICAL. Hee hee hee, I have done the very same thing more times than you can imagine…so hard to be cool when you feel like you've got a bouncy house full of 5 yo boys in your stomach. All I have to say is, carpe diem girlfriend. Carpe Diem!!

  18. Mama Bird :

    Thanks for making me feel normal! I've developed diarrhea of the mouth even when the person isn't famous. It's like I'm involuntarily channeling Diane Sawyer on election night.

  19. Miranda :

    Ha! I love it. I met her on Monday when she was signing in Denver. I was slightly more speechless then you (wink) I'm more of the starstruck silent type. Now if I could just get the dang pictures loaded so I can blog about it!

  20. Erin :

    you are so insane. i LOVE it!

    can't wait to hear about your reunion with Ree.

  21. BUSH BABE :

    I think I may have just snorted my coffee… oh dear, too funny. Hugs. ANd I bet she ALWAYS remembers you!
    :-)
    BB

  22. Erin O. :

    Dude. If it makes you feel any better, I made a complete JACKASS out of myself when I met her at Blogher too. But I fled 3 sentences into the conversation. You have STAMINA. :)

  23. Camille :

    There's a way to make an impression! :) But if Ree is as gracious and kind as others describe her to be, I'm sure she appreciated it and will definitely smile when she sees you again (saw you last night). How did it go, by the way?!?!

  24. Sarahviz :

    You totally crack me up lady!

  25. Ree Drummond :

    I LOVE YOU MAN.

    You know it's true.

    When I saw you Wednesday night, my shoulders relaxed by 87.9%.

    Then you left me, naked and alone in the dark…figuratively speaking.

    Until next time!

  26. Cats Meow :

    Actually, what made me squirm about your post is that I can totally see myself doing the same thing – getting so emotionally involved with meeting my heroine I act like she should get a restraining order against me. Gulp. I really want to meet her though and (sigh) hope I don't crack up or get arrested when I do it (smile). Good luck at the book signing.

  27. lynsey :

    hi there,

    i'm a first-timer here. and was up late for no good reason but ran across your blog and this posting. i think you're hilarious! you seem like someone i could be friends with. except in the story of us meeting, you would be playing the role of pioneer woman and i would be playing the role of yourself.

    so just know that if some short gal stammers up one day asking if she can carry anything of yours, it's probably me.

    thanks for making my night! :)

    -lynsey
    http://www.benseyleb.blogspot.com

  28. Petit Elefant :

    Danielle,

    Oh I will. I'm sure we're 5 minutes from sleepovers and shopping trips in the city. {wink}

    Emily,

    The thing is, I'm not TRYING to be funny, I'm just awkward.

    Laura-Ferry,

    I needed that today, thank you!

    Breeders Digest,

    Just give her some reference when you go to the book signing *remember Petit Elefant? I'm NOWHERE near as ridiculous as she is in public!* and you'll be fine.

    Jill Ann,

    It's all unintentional hilarity. Still, I'm pleased you're entertained just the same.

    Marie,

    The friendship rings part might have just been in my head. I'm never sure what actually ends up coming out of my mouth until it replays in horrific detail later in my brain.

    Susan,

    I was lucky the other night. I got to make a total fool of myself in front of BOTH Ree and Dooce all in the same night. I grabbed my boobs and talked about those with Dooce. AWESOME.

    Chillygator,

    I'm more than happy to go in front any day, I just can't guarantee the results. It's always memorable though, I will say that.

    Dragonfly,

    She's lovely and self-effacing, and all those things you want a heroine to be. Also, the book? Isn't it to die for?

    Miranda,

    Lucky! I wish I could be the starstruck silent type. I somehow think to myself that they'll be better off knowing about my deeply rooted love and adoration. I'm misguided.

    Debbie,

    Oh, I feel so all alone when the words are coming out of my mouth, SPEWING out of my mouth. It's ugly and poor Marie has to witness it each and every time.

    Erin,

    I AM INSANE. I ought to be on some kind of medication don't you think?

    mini pendants lighting,

    Well, good time if you mean heart palpitations and body shakes, but yes. good fun.

    Barbara Jones,

    Oh Barbara. Well, if you, Miss Hotness-hangs-out-with-recording-artists herself has done it a few times, I don't feel so bad. But don't you feel compelled to tell someone just HOW MUCH you adore them?

    Signed,

    Seizing the day.

    Mama Bird,

    Bwaaa haaaa haaaaa haaa. {wiping tears of laughter away}, Diane Sawyer….. That's great.

    Bush Babe,

    Oh, sorry about that. Snorting coffee can't feel good. :) But yes, I'm sure she remembers me. {{shudder}}

    Erin O.

    Stamina. Now who's making me laugh? Stamina = crazy at my house.

    Camille,

    It was fun, and she remembered me, if for all the crazy reasons. :)

    Trenches of Mommyhood,

    I'm good with comedic relief, it's my specialty.

    Cats Meow,

    Well, no restraining orders yet, so I think we're okay but I think I'm going to play down the crazy next time.

    Lynsey,

    Oh, please stalk. I think we'd be besties if we knew each other in real life, I can feel it. :)

    Thank you so much for the kind comment, it made my morning.